I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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