ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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