yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
