do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
