Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
