Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Im part way to drunk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
