Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
