at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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