I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
