My first STD was from a foam party
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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