mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
