I'm so fucking centered right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
