Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ok first of all what the fuck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
