yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
