Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
