Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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