Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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