I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
