Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
