This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
