Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
