My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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