Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
