Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just blew my weed a kiss
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
