just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
