If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
