I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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