If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
