I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
