talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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