you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You were trust falling into bushes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
