spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
