Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
