She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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