I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
two words...techno handjob
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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