Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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