he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
