you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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