Can i not drive my cunt home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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