Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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