I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
