Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
