we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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