I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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