Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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