there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
