It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
