either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
