My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
