no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
