Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
