I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
soo... how was my night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
