Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
this hospital has no fireball
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
