Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
